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Showing posts from April, 2019

Sometimes I Just Want to Feel Pretty

I think everyone wants to feel attractive. Even while being in a relationship, it's still nice to be flattered. Like, "damn I still got it!" That's totally normal. People like me are different. Yes, we still have that want but instead we take it to a whole new level. Remember, I live in a world of extremes. Go big or go home type stuff. Part of my disorder is promiscuity. I like to get attention from people who I am not in a relationship with. Some BP's act on it sexually, while I just like to be noticed. I don't know why but it makes me feel...special. I'll dress up, do my makeup, and actively search for that attention. I am not the prettiest girl but I am by no means ugly. Since I am large chested, I use that to my advantage. I even have a look I can give that normally will have any guy that I choose take my bait. It never lasts long. I get bored and will act normal for a while, then the itch comes back and I have to scratch it. I don't ever chea...

Therapy and Meds Are NOT a Sign of Weakness

As I sit in my therapist's waiting room, a thought hit me. Sometimes I really dread going to therapy and having to take meds. Its not that I feel broken, but weak. I feel like I am not good enough to live a normal life. As if I don't deserve it. I don't like that feeling. The problem with my disorder is that once I start doing better, I automatically think I am cured and that the meds and therapy is no longer needed. In the past, I have straight stopped my meds because I thought I knew better than the psych. As much as I want to believe I know a lot about medical stuff, and I do, the truth is I am no doctor and I have to remind myself often. I am not ashamed to take meds or see a therapist. In fact I talk about it openly, as you all know. At times I just wish that I didn't have to. That I was STRONG enough to not need them. But, you know what? I am strong. I have accomplished so much in my life and have made it through enough crap and abuse for two lifetimes. I'm ...