Open letter..."Family"
I know I have not updated in a while. I have been training and studying for my tests at work to move up to manager. I test on the 19th of this month. Between the tests and working 6 days a week the past 3 weeks, I am exhausted. My youngest (7 months) has been extremely fussy the past couple weeks. So much where nothing soothes her. The doctor said she is simply teething and could possibly have stomach aches since she is super gassy. So I am frustrated and haven't had adequate sleep.
Yesterday, she was a happy baby. I taught her how to say 'da-da' first because my boyfriend didn't get that with his first. Now that she has mastered da-da it was time to say ma-ma. Every single time I tell her to say ma-ma she screams DA-DA!! I repeat myself, 'Say ma-ma'. She then sticks out her tongue and blows raspberries in my face. It is absolutely hilarious. I have tried to get it on video but did not have any luck. FINALLY, yesterday I was able to take multi shot photos of her going through the process. I was so excited to share this on my Facebook. I thought her cute pictures and my funny story would make people laugh and brighten their day as it had mine.
I posted that she was an 'a-hole' baby. I literally wrote it just like that. A. H.O.L.E. It was funny. EVERY ONE who interacted with the post liked/loved it. Except some of my boyfriends family members. Two women to be exact. These two were the only ones to get offended. One tried to publicly shame me by writing on the post that I pretty much do not deserve my child because I should show her love and respect. That she knew plenty of people that would gladly take my place and would Cherish her like I should have. Another took a screen shot of the post and sent it to my boyfriend demanding to know if he saw the post. She said she understands that I suffer from mental illness and She couldn't fathom how someone could be so cruel to such a beautiful little girl. My boyfriend replied to her, saying that I was a good mom and I take good care of my child(ren). About a half an hour later she replied saying that I was not a good mom.
All because I said she was an 'a-hole'
Neither one of them know me. Yes, they have met me a handful of times, but they don't know me.
So, this is for them:
You know, I was angry yesterday. Beyond angry... I was furious. I have had time to calm down and have carefully constructed what I want to say. Whether you see this or not, I got it off my chest.
First, my mental illness had nothing to do with this. I highly doubt you know anything about my disorder, and I don't expect you to. I don't expect you to understand it, because I don't even fully understand it... honestly, no one fully does. With that said, I am not allowed to use my disorder as an excuse for my actions, because I have a disorder.. I am not the disorder. It doesn't define me. So, if I am not allowed to use it as an excuse, neither are you.
You both blew this WAY out of proportion, and your comments were uncalled for and hateful. For people who claim to be religious, your actions said otherwise. The reason I deleted the comment one of you left on the post was not because I was afraid people were going to agree with you, but because they would have torn you apart. I know the vast majority of my facebook friends personally, and they know how I am.
Yeah, I called my kid an a hole. It was in a funny, non-serious manner. You did not have to like it nor agree with it, that's your opinion. All you had to do was love those absolutely adorable photos of her and scroll on, moving on with your day. Instead, you chose to attack someone who you know nothing about. I told you both in the beginning that I had an abusive childhood and never had a real family, but if this is how family is...I want no part in it.
No, you did not hurt my feelings, but you sure did anger me. I respected you. I am by no means perfect. In any way shape or form. Not a single person is.
I promise you, I am not the first nor the last parent to call their child a name.
I struggled for years, believing I was a horrible parent, not because I was, but because I have a disorder that, at the time, was unable to get under control. So bad that I fully believed the only way to give my children a chance at good life was to take my own. Today, I can look you dead in the eye and tell you, I AM a good mom. A DAMN good one too. I do my best with the tools I have. My children are loved with everything I have and are well taken care of.
I am not sorry for my post and I am not sorry for what I said. Yeah, I could have chosen different verbiage, but I didn't. I am saddened by the fact that I truly believed I had a family for once.
But you know what? I do have a family. You might not know, but I did lose my cool yesterday. My mother in law got the short end of that stick. We both lost it on each other. After an hour or so we had both calmed down and talked about it like adults. Both of us had a little bit of bad information but both of us had our eyes opened. My boyfriend and sister in law were right by my side, and my happy baby girl was exactly that...happy. I have a pretty amazing family. All of my children love me and would tell you how wrong you are in a heart beat. Especially my two oldest ones.
I am sorry for one thing. You did not give me a chance whatsoever to give you my side and you judged me before you even knew anything. Then you resorted to cutting me down. I am sorry that you missed out on ever getting to know me. Because I am pretty amazing. I have worked so hard to get where I am, and no one will ever make me feel like I am anything less than amazing.
Yesterday, she was a happy baby. I taught her how to say 'da-da' first because my boyfriend didn't get that with his first. Now that she has mastered da-da it was time to say ma-ma. Every single time I tell her to say ma-ma she screams DA-DA!! I repeat myself, 'Say ma-ma'. She then sticks out her tongue and blows raspberries in my face. It is absolutely hilarious. I have tried to get it on video but did not have any luck. FINALLY, yesterday I was able to take multi shot photos of her going through the process. I was so excited to share this on my Facebook. I thought her cute pictures and my funny story would make people laugh and brighten their day as it had mine.
I posted that she was an 'a-hole' baby. I literally wrote it just like that. A. H.O.L.E. It was funny. EVERY ONE who interacted with the post liked/loved it. Except some of my boyfriends family members. Two women to be exact. These two were the only ones to get offended. One tried to publicly shame me by writing on the post that I pretty much do not deserve my child because I should show her love and respect. That she knew plenty of people that would gladly take my place and would Cherish her like I should have. Another took a screen shot of the post and sent it to my boyfriend demanding to know if he saw the post. She said she understands that I suffer from mental illness and She couldn't fathom how someone could be so cruel to such a beautiful little girl. My boyfriend replied to her, saying that I was a good mom and I take good care of my child(ren). About a half an hour later she replied saying that I was not a good mom.
All because I said she was an 'a-hole'
Neither one of them know me. Yes, they have met me a handful of times, but they don't know me.
So, this is for them:
You know, I was angry yesterday. Beyond angry... I was furious. I have had time to calm down and have carefully constructed what I want to say. Whether you see this or not, I got it off my chest.
First, my mental illness had nothing to do with this. I highly doubt you know anything about my disorder, and I don't expect you to. I don't expect you to understand it, because I don't even fully understand it... honestly, no one fully does. With that said, I am not allowed to use my disorder as an excuse for my actions, because I have a disorder.. I am not the disorder. It doesn't define me. So, if I am not allowed to use it as an excuse, neither are you.
You both blew this WAY out of proportion, and your comments were uncalled for and hateful. For people who claim to be religious, your actions said otherwise. The reason I deleted the comment one of you left on the post was not because I was afraid people were going to agree with you, but because they would have torn you apart. I know the vast majority of my facebook friends personally, and they know how I am.
Yeah, I called my kid an a hole. It was in a funny, non-serious manner. You did not have to like it nor agree with it, that's your opinion. All you had to do was love those absolutely adorable photos of her and scroll on, moving on with your day. Instead, you chose to attack someone who you know nothing about. I told you both in the beginning that I had an abusive childhood and never had a real family, but if this is how family is...I want no part in it.
No, you did not hurt my feelings, but you sure did anger me. I respected you. I am by no means perfect. In any way shape or form. Not a single person is.
I promise you, I am not the first nor the last parent to call their child a name.
I struggled for years, believing I was a horrible parent, not because I was, but because I have a disorder that, at the time, was unable to get under control. So bad that I fully believed the only way to give my children a chance at good life was to take my own. Today, I can look you dead in the eye and tell you, I AM a good mom. A DAMN good one too. I do my best with the tools I have. My children are loved with everything I have and are well taken care of.
I am not sorry for my post and I am not sorry for what I said. Yeah, I could have chosen different verbiage, but I didn't. I am saddened by the fact that I truly believed I had a family for once.
But you know what? I do have a family. You might not know, but I did lose my cool yesterday. My mother in law got the short end of that stick. We both lost it on each other. After an hour or so we had both calmed down and talked about it like adults. Both of us had a little bit of bad information but both of us had our eyes opened. My boyfriend and sister in law were right by my side, and my happy baby girl was exactly that...happy. I have a pretty amazing family. All of my children love me and would tell you how wrong you are in a heart beat. Especially my two oldest ones.
I am sorry for one thing. You did not give me a chance whatsoever to give you my side and you judged me before you even knew anything. Then you resorted to cutting me down. I am sorry that you missed out on ever getting to know me. Because I am pretty amazing. I have worked so hard to get where I am, and no one will ever make me feel like I am anything less than amazing.
Comments
Post a Comment